When you’re young (time: 17 seconds):

Grab your phone while simultaneously hitting the texting button so the screen is up before your eyes hit it. Type a message quickly with your thumbs with no caps or periods, include 5 photos, hit send, and done.

When you’re old (time: unknown):

Find phone. This may take a while, depending on your current environment and how long it’s been since you last had your hands on it.

1 HOUR LATER: You found it. No explanation why it was in the dryer, but never mind.

Wait! All you get is a black screen! Oh, gotta turn it on.

Swipe up and down 20 times looking for the text button. Come on! I know it was there the last time I used it. When was that?

Screen goes black. Now what? Oh. Forgot to charge it.

2 HOURS LATER: Try again. There it is. TAP.

Finally. There’s the texting screen. Now… what was I going to text?